Relentlessly Stingy Student

As a college student who will soon begin paying off school loans for the next 2084867035 years or so, I’m always very enthusiastic if I’m able to use my student ID to get a discount. It’s like the world is patting me on the back, saying, “I hope your $1 off discount for frozen yogurt makes you feel just a little better about the fact that you won’t be able to afford frozen yogurt for the next ten years after college.”

Or something like that.

But man, some students take the search for discounts too far.

Way, way too far.

Enter Relentlessly Stingy Student.

As one of my day jobs, the one I do much less nowadays than I did during my previous three years of college, I occasionally sell tickets to the university’s theatre events.

I’m not sure if it’s a theatre student thing or just a student thing, but I can’t even tell you how often I would get outraged students complaining that they had to pay anything at all to get in. From their reactions, it’s as though I’ve told them that they need to sell one of their kidneys in order to get in. “FIVE DOLLARS?!!? PREPOSTEROUS!!! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, THANKS TO YOU!!”

Yes, exactly like that.

(I should also mention that these funds go directly back in to putting on our school productions.)

At this particular event, a student wearing the most bizarre shirt I’ve ever seen (black with multicolored koi fish swimming in different directions) comes up to me and asks to buy three student tickets. The conversation went a lot like this:

Relentlessly Stingy Student (RSS): Hi, I’d like three student tickets.

Me: Sorry, I’m able to sell you one ticket at the student price of $5 with your ID, but the other two would have to be at the general admission price.

RSS: But they’re students too!

Me: Okay, well, I’d need for them to each come and show their student IDs to get the discount.

RSS: But one of them always shows up late!

Me: …. I’m not sure how to help with that part.

RSS: Can’t I pay $5 for theirs and then they can come back and show their IDs?

Me: Sorry, they really have to be present to get the discount.

RSS: Okay, what if I buy them at the general admission price now, and when they come with their IDs, you give me my money back?

Me: I can’t, but your friends could pay you back the difference.

RSS: …….

The conversation continued like this for a while, until Relentlessly Stingy Student ended up saying, “You’re making me so angry right now!” which just made me laugh. As annoying as it was, I have to admit that it was pretty funny. I think it was the crazy shirt.

Sorry, Relentlessly Stingy Student, sometimes we just have to pay full price for things.

And that’s why Relentlessly Stingy Student was my least favorite person of the day.